PILEATED WOODPECKER

They live around here, but I haven't seen one yet. The wife has. So this description is second hand.

They're huge. Their claws are huge. Their heads are huge. Their wings, all raggedy, are huge. The noise they make when pummeling square-shaped holes into trees is huge. They look like Pterodactyls. Small Pterodactyls, but Pterodactyls are ... er ... were really huge. Look, it's relative. Stop being so literal. You want literal? Fine. They're crow-sized.

And they're totally punk rock. If Johnny Rotten were a bird, he'd be a Pileated Woodpecker.

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