This is the first of what I expect to be a very popular series, FAILED WRESTLERS. Here is Cap'n Combover. He was fit and skilled enough, but fans couldn't get over his poorly thought out hair structure.
Isn't nature cruel? Look at the fear this little guy is experiencing:
Yeah, I know. Worms probably don't feel "fear." Man. You're such a stickler.
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WALKING THE CATThe Belly Punker needs some exercise. So he decides to take the cat out for walks. The thing is, Mrs. Belly Punker has spoiled the cat. When Mrs. Belly Punker walks the cat, she showers him with treats all the way. Now the cat won't budge without a treat. The Belly Punker, a strict disciplinarian, knows the rules: first exercise, then training, THEN reward. All thanks to the mighty Kitty Whisperer.
Anyway, what you see here is the war of wills. And the A-frame house I hope to one own. On the land near the mountains. With a big tree or six. And a bird feeder behind the house. With no property taxes. Or mortgage payments. What? Oh. Sorry. Drifted off for a minute there.
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IPOD BANDITOThey were all WANTED posters, all with a Mexican guy sporting a sombrero and a big moustache. Wow, I thought. These guys have really strong opinions about the whole immigration thing. Upon closer inspection, I realized they were all Pancho Villa. Hmm, I said to myself. I guess I'm a little less weirded out.
Then, on the way home from that school, my iPod broke.
So here, mis amigos, is the iPod Bandit. He delivers stolen iPods to those whose warranties have unexpectedly expired (for a fee, of course).
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GREENMAN IN A CANOEThe Greenman lives in complete freedom. His society has no need for laws, as the understanding of life as a non-zero-sum game is ingrained into their genome. Without any laws, they don't need any leaders. However, there's a catch.
You see, they live in fear of one day having their freedom taken away. They're constantly running from an imaginary king who wishes to rule them. And that's the paradox: the fear is also written into their genome.
So the Greenman has complete freedom, but is a slave to fear.
Is there a political message to this story? Only this: Groucho Marx did not win any elections AGAIN. And that makes me angry.
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BELLY PUNKER EMPLOYED
Je. Suis. Un artiste.
Tres. Sexy to say the least.
Like some primal hairy... Hnughmf!
A sharp pain hits him in his derriere. He looks down to see a small dart protruding from said region. Pulling it out, he reads it. "10ccs of TheMan serum... ungh." He passes out.
It is now 9AM sharp, and Belly Punker is ready for another day at TheMan inc. He pats his breast pocket to make sure his lucky pencils are still there. He doesn't remember why he keeps a couple of dirty pencils around, but they reassure him all the same.
Help the Belly Punker pay for his coffee here.
ONE VS MOB'There ought to be a LAW!' cries the mob. The politician agrees. If they let him lie under the tree, he might get the notion that he owns his body. He might do things with his body that the mob finds distasteful. If he daydreams, he might get the notion he owns his mind. He might think thoughts the mob finds distasteful. If he saves his money by napping instead of spending, he might get the notion he owns his money. He might spend it on things the mob finds distasteful (or on products they themselves are not selling). Behaving in a way the mob finds distasteful is very dangerous to the individual. Hence, he needs to be protected from himself. That's what the bombs are for.
Inspired by F.A. Hayek's The Road To Serfdom
Yeah, it's a tired old joke. So what? You laughed. I know you did, because everytime someone laughs at one of my corny jokes I feel my powers grow STRONGER.
Bid. You know you want to.
