I'm back... more faces

Settling into the new house. Very exciting, but no ACEOing on eBay. But I have been going to art class, so here are some of my latest sketches.

-----

Look here! Art to buy!

Need more wittyness? Click this VERY SENTENCE.

Bird nerds, click here.

ART CLASS SKETCHES

A slightly better image of Jack, my art teacher.

Some kids, hanging out. Up to no good, most likely.

Some bottles. Hickup.

The groundskeeper at the park in downtown Greensboro.

Jack again, playing the guitar. Deep down, I think he really wants to be a model.

-----

Art to buy!

Need more wittyness and birdwatching excitement? Click this VERY SENTENCE.

GAS TANK BASS PLAYER

There's a band called Split Lip Rayfield that I find to rock quite sufficiently. They have a bluegrass/punk/whoknowswhat sound. The bass player's instrument is made out of a gas tank. Enough said, I think.

I'm particularly proud of the subtle detail of his face, so here's a closeup:



One of my favorite lyrics:

It was just like a Gillian Welch song,
Except it was mine.

-----
LOOK! Pretty shiny things to buy @ NUTMEGNINE.COM!

And look here! Art to buy!

Need more wittyness and birdwatching excitement? Click this VERY SENTENCE.

MANDOLIN PLAYER

Here's a close-up:


My sweetheart is gone and I'm so lonesome
She said that she and I were through
I started drinkin for a pastime
Drivin nails in my coffin over you.

I'm just drivin nails in my coffin
Every time I drink a bottle of booze.
I'm just drivin nails in my coffin
Drivin' those nails over you.

Now ever since the day that we parted
I've felt so sad and so blue.
I can't help thinkin about her,
And I just can't quit drinkin' that old booze

--Jerry Irby

-----
LOOK! Pretty shiny things to buy @ NUTMEGNINE.COM!

And look here! Art to buy!

Need more wittyness and birdwatching excitement? Click this VERY SENTENCE.

THE FIDDLER

Come listen you fellers so young and so fine
Oh seek not your fortune in the dark dreary mine
It will form as a habit and seep in your soul
Till the stream of your blood is as black as the coal.

Refrain
It's dark as a dungeon and damp as the dew
Where the danger is double and the pleasures are few
Where the rain never falls and the sun never shines
It's as dark as a dungeon way down in the mines.

I hope when I'm gone and the ages shall roll
My body will blacken and turn into coal
Then I'll look from the door of my heavenly home
And pity the miner a-diggin' my bones.

--Tennessee Ernie Ford

Here's the face:

-----
LOOK! Pretty shiny things to buy @ NUTMEGNINE.COM!

And look here! Art to buy!

Need more wittyness and birdwatching excitement? Click this VERY SENTENCE.

JOE THE LUNCH LADY

I think there are more New Yorkers in the South than Southerners, and they're all living in my apartment community. One neighbor (who moved from Jersey, but is from the Bronx) is Joe. Couldn't possibly be a nicer guy; as we chatted while I was jumping in the trash compactor (not for fun - it's part of my job. But, it is fun...) I learn he's a retired super and was hoping to get a little extra income working at a school cafeteria.

"You're gonna be a lunch lady?" I asked.

"Yeah," he laughed, "but I'm not gonna wear a dress."

"I don't know..." I reply, "there might be a dress code. Things are formal down here."

Don't worry, Joe. I didn't put you in a dress. But you are wearing a hairnet.

Here's how I did it:

The preliminary sketches


Then I lightly draw the image on the card


Add more ink detail


And then the final picture, as you see above.

Sometimes I go the other way - I paint first, then ink it. I'm unpredictable - just ask my parole officer.

-----
LOOK! Pretty shiny things to buy @ NUTMEGNINE.COM!

And look here! Art to buy!

Need more wittyness and birdwatching excitement? Click this VERY SENTENCE.

BOXER #4

I don't have much luck selling ACEOs of boxers. And yet I persist. Like this guy. He's been beaten up pretty badly, but won't stay down. Will he beat the odds?

-----
LOOK! Pretty shiny things to buy @ NUTMEGNINE.COM!

And look here! Art to buy!

Need more wittyness and birdwatching excitement? Click this VERY SENTENCE.

LEFTY IN A BOX

I have a friend, let's call him ErroneousSquash, who took ballet classes growing up. ES would always regale me with ballet horror stories as I was doing manly things, like crushing cans on my head. Apparently, ballet instructors have no patience for bad dancers and would devise sadistic means of punishing offending students. One time ES failed to execute a passable Pas de Bourrée (italics look French to me) and was put in the Box Of Torment.

It was really unfair, I must say. ES has two left feet. No, really. Look:



Is this a sad tale of youthful hardship, or a bizarre justification for a drawing error that went unnoticed until the paint started to dry?

You be the judge.

-----
LOOK! Pretty shiny things to buy @ NUTMEGNINE.COM!

And look here! Art to buy!

Need more wittyness and birdwatching excitement? Click this VERY SENTENCE.

THANKS, QUEEN!

It turns out that Percy Walker, local BILLIONAIRE, is a knight. Apparently his nemesis, known only as Percy Hater, has a problem with American knights being called "Sir." It's against the Geneva Convention or something. Personally, I don't care. I'm calling him Sir. Sir Percy, Knight of the Bipedal Mode Of Transportation, Regulation Slayer, Really Really Rich Dude.

The title? According to legend, upon being knighted Percy succinctly yet poetically exclaimed, "Thanks, Queen!"

Here's a close up:



Doesn't really look like him, but hey. I'm an artist. I've captured his AURA.

-----
LOOK! Pretty shiny things to buy @ NUTMEGNINE.COM!

And look here! Art to buy!

Need more wittyness and birdwatching excitement? Click this VERY SENTENCE.

HIDING GEISHA

Emperor Nobunaga has been a real pain lately. "Read me more poetry! Serve me tea! Make intelligent conversation!" Dude. Chill.

What's a geisha to do? Make like a panda and hide in the bamboo.

Yes, smarty, I know geishas are from Japan and pandas are from China. Give a guy a little poetic liberty, why don't you? It's not like I tried to rhyme "station" with "direction" or something equally ghastly.

What's that, you say? You want a Haiku? What do I look like, a geisha? Sigh. Fine.

Attention craving
Mama's boy with great power
Sun rises, moon sets.

-----
LOOK! Pretty shiny things to buy @ NUTMEGNINE.COM!

And look here! Art to buy!

Need more wittyness and birdwatching excitement? Click this VERY SENTENCE.

CHOCOLATE PUSHER

Want some... Candy?

-----
LOOK! Pretty shiny things to buy @ NUTMEGNINE.COM!

And look here! Art to buy!

Need more wittyness and birdwatching excitement? Click this VERY SENTENCE.

MARY TRYOUTS

Ah, the Christmas Pageant. It's that special time of year when all the pretty girls in church vie for the coveted role of Mary. Back in the day, I and the other choir boys would run an underground betting circle, taking odds for which Brittany or Dakota or Caitlyn would win it.

Here's a tip: the one on the far right, second row is a lock.

-----
LOOK! Pretty shiny things to buy @ NUTMEGNINE.COM!

And look here! Art to buy!

Need more wittyness and birdwatching excitement? Click this VERY SENTENCE.

KALLIPYGOS

My first nude - it's like an artistic Bar mitzvah.

This is my contribution to the eBay ACEO forum challenge, HEART. Supposedly, the heart shape as we know it is really a Greek representation of Aphrodite's beautiful behind. Sounds right to me. I mean, the valentine heart looks nothing like the organ that pumps blood through the body. Here is where I would make a blood-pumping-sexy-butt joke when I was a mere boy. Now, I've got to be a mature mensch.

This image, I should note, is inspired by a painting I found on this website dedicated to Mongolian art.

Let's see: I've got Greek, Jewish, and Mongolian cultures covered in this post. See how a derriere can bring people together?

-----
LOOK! Pretty shiny things to buy @ NUTMEGNINE.COM!

And look here! Art to buy!

Need more wittyness and birdwatching excitement? Click this VERY SENTENCE.

GUITARMAN

I recently went to go see Doc Watson in concert. This is not Doc, obviously. Only inspired by his flat-picking genius.

I went to the bar at the concert and asked for a Scott Adams. Scott Adams is the author of the comic strip, Dilbert. He has an excellent blog, at which I've apparently been spending too much time. He does not lend his name to any beer labels that neither I nor the bartender are aware of. Once we figured out my error, the rest of the transaction went smoothly.

-----
LOOK! Pretty shiny things to buy @ NUTMEGNINE.COM!

And look here! Art to buy!

Need more wittyness and birdwatching excitement? Click this VERY SENTENCE.

FAT BOXER

UPDATE: The Illustration Friday topic this week is MIGHT, coincidentally. Read on:

Sometimes, no matter how much cardio you do, the gut remains. Sometimes, you have a gut because you don't do cardio. Maybe you don't do cardio because you don't expect the fight to last more than a round or two. Have you given up, and just showing up for a meager payday? You don't need to be in shape to pad some other guy's record.

Or, you MIGHT decide you aren't a tool, and throw the left hook with abandon.

-----
LOOK! Pretty shiny things to buy @ NUTMEGNINE.COM!

And look here! Art to buy!

Need more wittyness and birdwatching excitement? Click this VERY SENTENCE.

IPOD BANDITO

So as you may or may not know, I've been employed as a school photographer lately. At this one school, I was walking down a hallway that was lined with third-graders' artwork. While I'm always interested to see what the young 'uns are up to, this display really got my attention:

They were all WANTED posters, all with a Mexican guy sporting a sombrero and a big moustache. Wow, I thought. These guys have really strong opinions about the whole immigration thing. Upon closer inspection, I realized they were all Pancho Villa. Hmm, I said to myself. I guess I'm a little less weirded out.

Then, on the way home from that school, my iPod broke.

So here, mis amigos, is the iPod Bandit. He delivers stolen iPods to those whose warranties have unexpectedly expired (for a fee, of course).

-----
LOOK! Pretty shiny things to buy @ NUTMEGNINE.COM!

And look here! Art to buy!

Need more wittyness and birdwatching excitement? Click this VERY SENTENCE.

ILLUSTRATION FRIDAY: INVENTION

The invention represented here is the weapon. Now I suppose this is where I'm supposed to be all "aren't weapons bad, wouldn't we be better off without them, blah etc blah." I really don't want to be mistaken for some kind of Neo-Con yahoo, but I gotta say I'm glad weapons were invented.

The other day, the wife and I were at the dog park with our dog, Happy. Happy is a small dog who runs very fast and loves to be chased. It can be a little nerve-wracking at times, especially when the really big dogs go after her. Usually if it starts to get too aggressive, the bigger dog's owner would step in before any damage was done. This one time, however, no one stepped up when a huge German Shepherd started biting at Happy. I shooed him away, and we played in a different area of the dog run (the place is almost 6 acres). Things were fine until the big dog ran over with two others, and they triangulated Happy. Before I could get to them, the big dog had Happy's hind quarters in his mouth, and sent her airborn. Happy was crying as I picked up a stick and ran over to the scene and proceeded to bludgeon the big dog on it's cranium.

I'm not a big guy. Without a weapon, I'm no match for a big dog. Most humans aren't. But with a weapon, I was able to defend my dog. I was also able to scare the crap out of everyone in the crowded dog park, as I started screaming profanities at whoever the cowardly anonymous big dog owner was (stick still in hand; I wonder why he didn't identify himself?).

Anyway, Happy was fine. So was the big German Shepherd. We've been back to the park since, and upon retelling the story to others found out I'm not the first guy to go primal as a result of some uncontrolled dog. Would everything have been fine if I was without a weapon? I don't know. Maybe I could have gotten the big dog off of Happy with my bare hands. Maybe the dog wouldn't consider me easy pickings without a big stick and turn on me, adding to my dog-induced scars (I worked at an animal shelter). Maybe this time everything would have been fine. But I'll make sure there's at least a stick nearby, if it's all the same to you.

UPDATE: Or an effective mood stabilizer.

-----
LOOK! Pretty shiny things to buy @ NUTMEGNINE.COM!

And look here! Art to buy!

Need more wittyness and birdwatching excitement? Click this VERY SENTENCE.

WINDOW

I'm playing around with light in this one. Not exactly a Vermeer, but you get the idea.

I imagine this guy is in solitary confinement, with one small window high above providing the only light. His crime? probably unpaid parking tickets.

Or maybe he's a prisoner... IN HIS OWN MIND. Dude.

OR - I think this is the one - he's just going through initiation for a fraternity. You know, that fraternity where they lock you in a room, naked, with one small window way up high. Yeah. College is important.

SO HEALTHY

Ah, look at this happy, healthy individual. Sure, he could be watching tv on the couch, enjoying a bowl of ice-cream with cheetohs sprinkled on top, feeling a little more gravitational pull. But why would he want that? Look at the joy in his face!

As he looks at his watch, he realizes he did not enjoy his run enough - he is running out of time to meet his goal! He must run faster! That will make him healthier, pushing his knee joints and cardiovascular system to the brink. If you're not risking injury, you're not being healthy. If you're not thoroughly emaciated, you're a threat to yourself and the entire health system.

Run yourself into bankruptcy here.

BOXING MATCH

Boxing. It's a messy business. Frankly, what goes on in the ring is the cleanest part of it. Hit, don't get hit. That's pretty much it. It's outside the ring where most of the damage is done.

First, there's making weight, which is just a nice way of saying starving yourself. For kids in the amateurs and golden gloves, that means starvation at a time of major growth.

Then there's the politics of sparring partners. Trainers lie to other trainers about their fighter's abilities, hiding their skills. so when they get in the ring with a supposed equal, their fighter looks really good.

Then there's racism. No explaination needed.

You're also dealing with a lot of kids who have very tough choices in life. Gangs seem like they provide a more secure and fulfilling life structure than other options.

But at the same time, the gym is like a team. If you're in, you're part of a family (like a gang, I guess. Only you can leave without reprocussions). You help eachother out.

And then you step in the ring. All that other stuff doesn't exist anymore. You are alone. You are tested on your own merits, no excuses. Sometimes you're having a good day. Sometimes, not so good. Doesn't matter. Hit and don't get hit.

Bid here.