Something like this:

Friday, November 24, 2006


The invention represented here is the weapon. Now I suppose this is where I'm supposed to be all "aren't weapons bad, wouldn't we be better off without them, blah etc blah." I really don't want to be mistaken for some kind of Neo-Con yahoo, but I gotta say I'm glad weapons were invented.

The other day, the wife and I were at the dog park with our dog, Happy. Happy is a small dog who runs very fast and loves to be chased. It can be a little nerve-wracking at times, especially when the really big dogs go after her. Usually if it starts to get too aggressive, the bigger dog's owner would step in before any damage was done. This one time, however, no one stepped up when a huge German Shepherd started biting at Happy. I shooed him away, and we played in a different area of the dog run (the place is almost 6 acres). Things were fine until the big dog ran over with two others, and they triangulated Happy. Before I could get to them, the big dog had Happy's hind quarters in his mouth, and sent her airborn. Happy was crying as I picked up a stick and ran over to the scene and proceeded to bludgeon the big dog on it's cranium.

I'm not a big guy. Without a weapon, I'm no match for a big dog. Most humans aren't. But with a weapon, I was able to defend my dog. I was also able to scare the crap out of everyone in the crowded dog park, as I started screaming profanities at whoever the cowardly anonymous big dog owner was (stick still in hand; I wonder why he didn't identify himself?).

Anyway, Happy was fine. So was the big German Shepherd. We've been back to the park since, and upon retelling the story to others found out I'm not the first guy to go primal as a result of some uncontrolled dog. Would everything have been fine if I was without a weapon? I don't know. Maybe I could have gotten the big dog off of Happy with my bare hands. Maybe the dog wouldn't consider me easy pickings without a big stick and turn on me, adding to my dog-induced scars (I worked at an animal shelter). Maybe this time everything would have been fine. But I'll make sure there's at least a stick nearby, if it's all the same to you.

UPDATE: Or an effective mood stabilizer.

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Anonymous said...

this is probably the most useful invention

saffron said...

He-Man save little pooch with big stick! Luckily it was already invented! Glad little Happy is ok.

harmoniousjosh said...

I should clarify - I used the word "bludgeon" with poetic license. I only tried to scare the big dog, not injure him. An aggressive "shoo," if you will.

Michelle Lana said...

great one, harmoniousjosh!