FAT BOXER

UPDATE: The Illustration Friday topic this week is MIGHT, coincidentally. Read on:

Sometimes, no matter how much cardio you do, the gut remains. Sometimes, you have a gut because you don't do cardio. Maybe you don't do cardio because you don't expect the fight to last more than a round or two. Have you given up, and just showing up for a meager payday? You don't need to be in shape to pad some other guy's record.

Or, you MIGHT decide you aren't a tool, and throw the left hook with abandon.

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SNARK DOG

Sometimes, when I have painter's block, I just splat some paint on an aceo card. I then look for something paintable, sort of like finding images in clouds. This splat looked like a terrier-ish dog, so I "went for it," as some might say.

This one is a little on the "cute" side for me, I must admit. I know cute art is popular, but you must understand I have a reputation as a tough, manly, hard-nosed, toughy tough tough guy. At least, that's my reputation in whatever bizzarro world I live in. I can't go around, painting cutesy little doggies. The doggies ... er ... dogs I paint have to be fierce and maybe a little mangy.

What makes this dog listable for me is the expression - he's got a look that says "riiiight." to whatever nonsense you're trying to get him to do. Try it. Tell this dog to go fetch. His response? Riiiiight. He doesn't even bother looking at you. You: Shake paw, boy! Shake paw! Dog: Riiiiiight. You: Roll over, Rover! Dog: Sigh. My name isn't even Rover, moron.

What a rude dog.

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BLUE JAY

One day, the wife and I will own our own home in the woods. We'll earn our living by getting paid to watch the birds from our porch. That's the plan.

Ooh! Look! A Blue Jay! Cha Ching!

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CORNERED KITTY

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IPOD BANDITO

So as you may or may not know, I've been employed as a school photographer lately. At this one school, I was walking down a hallway that was lined with third-graders' artwork. While I'm always interested to see what the young 'uns are up to, this display really got my attention:

They were all WANTED posters, all with a Mexican guy sporting a sombrero and a big moustache. Wow, I thought. These guys have really strong opinions about the whole immigration thing. Upon closer inspection, I realized they were all Pancho Villa. Hmm, I said to myself. I guess I'm a little less weirded out.

Then, on the way home from that school, my iPod broke.

So here, mis amigos, is the iPod Bandit. He delivers stolen iPods to those whose warranties have unexpectedly expired (for a fee, of course).

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ILL WIND

Another one from the depths of my subconscious. I can't paint a nice little seascape, can I? Oh, no. I have to paint a scary face to make it "Trippy," as Mick Reasor would say. But you don't need another same ol' same ol' seascape anyway, do you?

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BURCHFIELD-ERIFIC

When I first started painting, smart art people suggested Charles Burchfield as an artist I might enjoy. They were right - his work is very good.

I'm not going to school for any of this, so to educate myself on the masters I'm reading books and, as you may recognize here, copying their work. This is my attempt (homage?) at Charles Burchfield's "Gothic Window Trees.

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TREE STUDY #13

I don't know if this is really the 13th tree I've painted. I made up the number for 12, and I painted this one after that. So, 13 it is. This tree is totally different from the other one. Obviously, I haven't "found myself" as a painter yet. Or I'm a Schizo. I can guess which one you think it is. Anyway, texture is the name of the game little arbol of loveliness. I strayed from my usual smooth blending method to try to get some more choppiness.
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TREE STUDY #12

I have no idea if this is tree study #12 or #21. I'm just going to make up numbers, as I can't really think of a gimmicky title for this neat little painting. The light is really the main subject in this one, anyway. I'm trying to get dimensionality and interestingness (hey, that's a word - it cleared the spell check to my surprise) in my painting, and light seems to be the way to go. With watercolors, you do that by working on the shadows. Is that ironic, or a paradox? You're probably saying it's "no duh."

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ILLUSTRATION FRIDAY: INVENTION

The invention represented here is the weapon. Now I suppose this is where I'm supposed to be all "aren't weapons bad, wouldn't we be better off without them, blah etc blah." I really don't want to be mistaken for some kind of Neo-Con yahoo, but I gotta say I'm glad weapons were invented.

The other day, the wife and I were at the dog park with our dog, Happy. Happy is a small dog who runs very fast and loves to be chased. It can be a little nerve-wracking at times, especially when the really big dogs go after her. Usually if it starts to get too aggressive, the bigger dog's owner would step in before any damage was done. This one time, however, no one stepped up when a huge German Shepherd started biting at Happy. I shooed him away, and we played in a different area of the dog run (the place is almost 6 acres). Things were fine until the big dog ran over with two others, and they triangulated Happy. Before I could get to them, the big dog had Happy's hind quarters in his mouth, and sent her airborn. Happy was crying as I picked up a stick and ran over to the scene and proceeded to bludgeon the big dog on it's cranium.

I'm not a big guy. Without a weapon, I'm no match for a big dog. Most humans aren't. But with a weapon, I was able to defend my dog. I was also able to scare the crap out of everyone in the crowded dog park, as I started screaming profanities at whoever the cowardly anonymous big dog owner was (stick still in hand; I wonder why he didn't identify himself?).

Anyway, Happy was fine. So was the big German Shepherd. We've been back to the park since, and upon retelling the story to others found out I'm not the first guy to go primal as a result of some uncontrolled dog. Would everything have been fine if I was without a weapon? I don't know. Maybe I could have gotten the big dog off of Happy with my bare hands. Maybe the dog wouldn't consider me easy pickings without a big stick and turn on me, adding to my dog-induced scars (I worked at an animal shelter). Maybe this time everything would have been fine. But I'll make sure there's at least a stick nearby, if it's all the same to you.

UPDATE: Or an effective mood stabilizer.

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I sentence my art to be shot at dawn...

By one of these cameras.

Flickr is making graphs on the popularity of the cameras used on their site. Being a camera user, and a (delinquent) Flickr member, I find this quite interesting, but not as interesting as you who are looking for something to get me for ChrismaKwanzaaHannukah...

coolness via Boing Boing.

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ANOTHER HOME FOR THE BELLY PUNKER!!!

Continuing my googlfication, I just started a new website with the Google Page Creator.

It's not much to look at yet, but here's the front page.

Thanks, official Google Blog.

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PLANET PRILOSEC

I'm reviving this one for this week's IF: Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving is celebrated in many forms in many cultures, even on many planets.

Here is a special scene from the planet, Prilosec (no relation to the pharmaceutical) As the three red-ish moons set in the yellow horizon, the Prilosecians join hands in their monthly celebration called "Whew, That Was A Close One (WTWACO for short)."

About thirteen Prilo-years ago, their planet was spinning through the universe (much like ours, fellow earthlings) when it chanced upon a whole bunch of asteroids. Fortunately for them, they have three moons that were able to run interference, so to speak. All the asteroids crashed on one of the three lunar heroes instead of their green and yellow planet (needless to say, they're GB Packers fans).

The WTWACO festival is held in honor and gratitude to their moons. Good thing we, fellow earthlings, have three moons, for it's only a matter of time before we enter an asteroid belt ourselves.

What? We only have one? Um, oh. Right. Well, I'm sure we'll be fine.

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SEXY BASS CALL ME

Dare #51

My dare:

Paint a FANTASY tropical fish.

Hello, sailor (sexy voice-over: call me). Out in the ocean, all alone(sexy voice-over: call me)? Wishing you had a special friend to show you a good time(sexy voice-over: call me)? Call, 1-800-HOT-BASS. Meet a new fish-friend tonight!

OK, I just creeped myself out.

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The wife and I are about to begin looking for a house to buy. This might be helpful.

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OK, so this comes a little late. Google Maps finally has a save map feature. It's now retake time for school pictures, and it would have been nice to just pull up the map. No biggie, google. There's always next time.

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Perfect for school photographers with a bad sense of direction...

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BLUEBIRD

The wife says, "Paint me a bird."

So I paint a bird. A bluebird, to be precise.

Being a good husband is easy.

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FACE IMPROV: BALLET DANCER

Here's the latest in the FACE IMPROV series. Why a ballet dancer? I don't know. I'm not in charge. I just let the paint drip where it will.

I kept the colors simple this time - only three. And, though it may be hard to tell, I used gouache this time instead of watercolor.

And I also decided to sign it. Somehow, it seems appropriate that my moniker is in the guys armpit. Does it add, or subtract from the value? I'll find out soon enough...

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CLEAR CONSCIENCE

One of two things are clear.

One: Most arguments that involve a lot of finger-pointing might as well be conducted in a mirror. Maybe it's better to not argue at all, and enjoy sitting in the shade of a tree.

Two: I shouldn't drink and doodle.

Comments are open for your votes. Write-ins welcome.

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GREENMAN IN A CANOE

What a sight the Greenman is. A paradox, even. Perhaps I should explain.

The Greenman lives in complete freedom. His society has no need for laws, as the understanding of life as a non-zero-sum game is ingrained into their genome. Without any laws, they don't need any leaders. However, there's a catch.

You see, they live in fear of one day having their freedom taken away. They're constantly running from an imaginary king who wishes to rule them. And that's the paradox: the fear is also written into their genome.

So the Greenman has complete freedom, but is a slave to fear.

Is there a political message to this story? Only this: Groucho Marx did not win any elections AGAIN. And that makes me angry.

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LOU DIAMOND PHILLIPS: NOW WITH MORE ILLUSTRATION FRIDAYNESS!!!

In a blatant attempt to drive the billions of Lou Diamond Phillips fans to this blog, I've painted his likeness in the form of an aceo.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

UPDATE: Welcome, Japanese Lou Diamond Phillips fans!

UPDATE 2: La Bamba. Stand And Deliver. Young Guns. YOUNG FREAKIN' GUNS. Dude was awesome in Young Guns. Lou Diamond Phillips, an 80's icon if there ever was one.

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GOOGLE DOODLED BY GAGGLE OF BRITISH KIDS

Hey, I want to design a google homepage image. When are they going to have a contest for the likes of yahoos like me?

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SMOKIN OUTLAW

Any similarities between this character or anyone you know or, Odin forbid, you, are purely coincidental. Unless of course you're one of those "a reason for everything" types. In which case, I've got nothing to tell you other than IT'S ALL CHAOS.

I'm enjoying the process of making these faces. There's no planning - I haven't been sketching at all. Just painting the outline of a face and going from there.

Here's SMOKIN OUTLAW. He's obviously a bad dude of some sort. He has to be, as he's smoking. Rob Reiner would sue the pants off of me if I made a sympathetic character with a pipe dangling from his lips. We must think of the children, after all. And the trial lawyers.

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FACE IMPROV: LONG NECK

A disclaimer: I have no idea who this is.

I painted the neck rather long, so I went with it a la the Pa Dong Long Neck people. I wonder how that beauty trend got started. What beauty trends existing now in Western culture are going to be taken to such extremes? Is it even possible anymore, given the accelerating speed at which trends change? Or are such extremes MORE likely, as envelopes beg to be pushed?

Anyway, Iris thinks this image bears the likeness of my mom. All you armchair Freudian psychiatrists, make of that what you will.

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STOOL

Here's a stool, painted with blue and brown. Just a stool. Pretty exciting, no?

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