SPEAKING OF BIRDS...

The wife has a new blog all about 'em.

-----
LOOK! Pretty shiny things to buy @ NUTMEGNINE.COM!

And look here! Art to buy!

Need more wittyness and birdwatching excitement? Click this VERY SENTENCE.

PILEATED WOODPECKER

They live around here, but I haven't seen one yet. The wife has. So this description is second hand.

They're huge. Their claws are huge. Their heads are huge. Their wings, all raggedy, are huge. The noise they make when pummeling square-shaped holes into trees is huge. They look like Pterodactyls. Small Pterodactyls, but Pterodactyls are ... er ... were really huge. Look, it's relative. Stop being so literal. You want literal? Fine. They're crow-sized.

And they're totally punk rock. If Johnny Rotten were a bird, he'd be a Pileated Woodpecker.

-----
LOOK! Pretty shiny things to buy @ NUTMEGNINE.COM!

And look here! Art to buy!

Need more wittyness and birdwatching excitement? Click this VERY SENTENCE.

PET-ICURE (IF: HELP)

Someone, please. Help this poor kitty.

The owner refuses to trim this cat's nails because of one incredibly misguided reason: LONG NAILS SELL ART.

Think I'm kidding? Get on eBay and watch this item. Go ahead. Don't even bid, if you can control yourself. And this kitty suffers for it. He used to tread upon soft, cushy carpet, but his claws scratched it all away to the wood floor. Now his toes are cold in the morning. Way to go, cruel art collectors.

There is a way to save this kitty, of course. You could win the auction and give him a trim. Be warned, however: there are ne'er-do-wells about who wish to own this kitty themselves, just to bask in the glorious length of his nails. Make sure you have plenty of cashola in your paypal account.

-----
LOOK! Pretty shiny things to buy @ NUTMEGNINE.COM!

And look here! Art to buy!

Need more wittyness and birdwatching excitement? Click this VERY SENTENCE.

ART CLASS SKETCHES

Here's that Cezanne painting again, this time sketched in 15 minutes. Stop watch and everything.

And here's what I did with the rest of the class time. Interpret as you will. Or don't. I don't control your mind.

-----

LOOK! Pretty shiny things to buy @ NUTMEGNINE.COM!

And look here! Art to buy!

Need more wittyness and birdwatching excitement? Click this VERY SENTENCE.

WALKING THE CAT

This might take a little bit of explaining.

The Belly Punker needs some exercise. So he decides to take the cat out for walks. The thing is, Mrs. Belly Punker has spoiled the cat. When Mrs. Belly Punker walks the cat, she showers him with treats all the way. Now the cat won't budge without a treat. The Belly Punker, a strict disciplinarian, knows the rules: first exercise, then training, THEN reward. All thanks to the mighty Kitty Whisperer.

Anyway, what you see here is the war of wills. And the A-frame house I hope to one own. On the land near the mountains. With a big tree or six. And a bird feeder behind the house. With no property taxes. Or mortgage payments. What? Oh. Sorry. Drifted off for a minute there.

-----
LOOK! Pretty shiny things to buy @ NUTMEGNINE.COM!

And look here! Art to buy!

Need more wittyness and birdwatching excitement? Click this VERY SENTENCE.

MONGOLIAN HORSES

I was looking for inspiration for painting a horse. Horse-peration. I didn't want to just paint any old horse. So I went to the horse source: Mongolia. On the internets, of course. I'm poor. I can't just pick up and travel to Mongolia.

There's some amazing art coming out of Mongolia. I found quite a few images with horse subjects, of course of course (sorry, had to be done), that had an aesthetic that appealed to me. Here's a HarmoniousJosh-ified version of one of them.

-----
LOOK! Pretty shiny things to buy @ NUTMEGNINE.COM!

And look here! Art to buy!

Need more wittyness and birdwatching excitement? Click this VERY SENTENCE.

GUITARMAN

I recently went to go see Doc Watson in concert. This is not Doc, obviously. Only inspired by his flat-picking genius.

I went to the bar at the concert and asked for a Scott Adams. Scott Adams is the author of the comic strip, Dilbert. He has an excellent blog, at which I've apparently been spending too much time. He does not lend his name to any beer labels that neither I nor the bartender are aware of. Once we figured out my error, the rest of the transaction went smoothly.

-----
LOOK! Pretty shiny things to buy @ NUTMEGNINE.COM!

And look here! Art to buy!

Need more wittyness and birdwatching excitement? Click this VERY SENTENCE.

BROOKLYNISH #2

Another cityscape.

We've been out of the big city for seven months now. I'm still perfectly satisfied seeing this view by way of aceo. I prefer the live views of the trees.

-----
LOOK! Pretty shiny things to buy @ NUTMEGNINE.COM!

And look here! Art to buy!

Need more wittyness and birdwatching excitement? Click this VERY SENTENCE.

TREE #14

Another tree. There's a lot of them out there.

-----
LOOK! Pretty shiny things to buy @ NUTMEGNINE.COM!

And look here! Art to buy!

Need more wittyness and birdwatching excitement? Click this VERY SENTENCE.

ILLUSTRATION FRIDAY: MASK

The good ol' mask of happiness. No one likes sad people. What bummers they are. Bringing everybody down. Why can't they fake it like everybody else?

Quit yer mopin', sad people.

-----
LOOK! Pretty shiny things to buy @ NUTMEGNINE.COM!

And look here! Art to buy!

Need more wittyness and birdwatching excitement? Click this VERY SENTENCE.

LADY CARDINAL

When we were living in Brooklyn, we had a view of both the Chrysler Building and the Empire State Building. When picking the favorite, the CB is the easy choice. But over time, the stateliness of the ESB grew on me. The same thing with the Northern Cardinal.

When we moved to NC, we were thrilled to see all of the cardinals (being the freakishly avid birdwatchers we are). The glowing red of the male cardinal was a real treat. But over time, as with the ESB, the female cardinal won us over.

So here she is.

-----
LOOK! Pretty shiny things to buy @ NUTMEGNINE.COM!

And look here! Art to buy!

Need more wittyness and birdwatching excitement? Click this VERY SENTENCE.

CAT-O-LILY

Ah, the Cat-o-lilies are in bloom again. Such a strange flower - suitable to any occasion.

You want crazy kitties? You got crazy kitties. How lucky for you, to reap the benefits of my malfunctioning brain.

-----

LOOK! Pretty shiny things to buy @ NUTMEGNINE.COM!

And look here! Art to buy!

Need more wittyness and birdwatching excitement? Click this VERY SENTENCE.

3-D SPIKE-HAIRMAN

I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure this dude is 3D glasses compatible.

LOOK! Pretty shiny things to buy @ NUTMEGNINE.COM!

And look here! Art to buy!

Need more wittyness and birdwatching excitement? Click this VERY SENTENCE.

Look, "Cezanne," if that is you're real name (sounds French to me), don't make me send my wild pack of lawyers after you. Here is my painting:

and here is what I find floating around the internets under YOUR supposed name:



You. Me. Playground. After school. Bring your lunch money.

-----
LOOK! Pretty shiny things to buy @ NUTMEGNINE.COM!

And look here! Art to buy!

Need more wittyness and birdwatching excitement? Click this VERY SENTENCE.

FAT BOXER

UPDATE: The Illustration Friday topic this week is MIGHT, coincidentally. Read on:

Sometimes, no matter how much cardio you do, the gut remains. Sometimes, you have a gut because you don't do cardio. Maybe you don't do cardio because you don't expect the fight to last more than a round or two. Have you given up, and just showing up for a meager payday? You don't need to be in shape to pad some other guy's record.

Or, you MIGHT decide you aren't a tool, and throw the left hook with abandon.

-----
LOOK! Pretty shiny things to buy @ NUTMEGNINE.COM!

And look here! Art to buy!

Need more wittyness and birdwatching excitement? Click this VERY SENTENCE.

SNARK DOG

Sometimes, when I have painter's block, I just splat some paint on an aceo card. I then look for something paintable, sort of like finding images in clouds. This splat looked like a terrier-ish dog, so I "went for it," as some might say.

This one is a little on the "cute" side for me, I must admit. I know cute art is popular, but you must understand I have a reputation as a tough, manly, hard-nosed, toughy tough tough guy. At least, that's my reputation in whatever bizzarro world I live in. I can't go around, painting cutesy little doggies. The doggies ... er ... dogs I paint have to be fierce and maybe a little mangy.

What makes this dog listable for me is the expression - he's got a look that says "riiiight." to whatever nonsense you're trying to get him to do. Try it. Tell this dog to go fetch. His response? Riiiiight. He doesn't even bother looking at you. You: Shake paw, boy! Shake paw! Dog: Riiiiiight. You: Roll over, Rover! Dog: Sigh. My name isn't even Rover, moron.

What a rude dog.

------
LOOK! Pretty shiny things to buy @ NUTMEGNINE.COM!

And look here! Art to buy!

Need more wittyness and birdwatching excitement? Click this VERY SENTENCE.

BLUE JAY

One day, the wife and I will own our own home in the woods. We'll earn our living by getting paid to watch the birds from our porch. That's the plan.

Ooh! Look! A Blue Jay! Cha Ching!

-----
LOOK! Pretty shiny things to buy @ NUTMEGNINE.COM!

And look here! Art to buy!

Need more wittyness and birdwatching excitement? Click this VERY SENTENCE.

CORNERED KITTY

-----
LOOK! Pretty shiny things to buy @ NUTMEGNINE.COM!

And look here! Art to buy!

Need more wittyness and birdwatching excitement? Click this VERY SENTENCE.

IPOD BANDITO

So as you may or may not know, I've been employed as a school photographer lately. At this one school, I was walking down a hallway that was lined with third-graders' artwork. While I'm always interested to see what the young 'uns are up to, this display really got my attention:

They were all WANTED posters, all with a Mexican guy sporting a sombrero and a big moustache. Wow, I thought. These guys have really strong opinions about the whole immigration thing. Upon closer inspection, I realized they were all Pancho Villa. Hmm, I said to myself. I guess I'm a little less weirded out.

Then, on the way home from that school, my iPod broke.

So here, mis amigos, is the iPod Bandit. He delivers stolen iPods to those whose warranties have unexpectedly expired (for a fee, of course).

-----
LOOK! Pretty shiny things to buy @ NUTMEGNINE.COM!

And look here! Art to buy!

Need more wittyness and birdwatching excitement? Click this VERY SENTENCE.

ILL WIND

Another one from the depths of my subconscious. I can't paint a nice little seascape, can I? Oh, no. I have to paint a scary face to make it "Trippy," as Mick Reasor would say. But you don't need another same ol' same ol' seascape anyway, do you?

-----
LOOK! Pretty shiny things to buy @ NUTMEGNINE.COM!

And look here! Art to buy!

Need more wittyness and birdwatching excitement? Click this VERY SENTENCE.