FRED BIGSBY

Good ol' Fred Bigsby, squinting at stars
He waxes poetic about racing cars
Down roads that were paved by Prohibition
Outrunning the cops to fulfill his mission
To bring home the booze that pow'rful moonshine
"If I make enough money, that girl would be mine!"
But no, instead, he shines shoes at the station
That girl will never look in his direction.

UPDATE:
I've been harassed by a fellow eBayer (who shall remain nameless) who notes that in the last two lines, "station" and "direction" don't rhyme. Fine. Here are a few alternatives:

But no, he toils in retail all day
That girl will never look his way.

But no, instead, he rids homes of ants
That girl will never give him a chance.

But no, instead, he works as a miner
That girl's boyfriend will give him a shiner.

But no, instead, he barbecues pork
That girl will only think he's a dork.

But no, instead, he's an art teacher
That girl won't be seen with such a creature.

Hmmm, I think I like that last one.

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PERCY WALKER

Percy Walker, billionaire
Hedge Fund man, with great hair.
Oozing green from each pore
Spending money, making more.

With so much green, he still is blue
There's one goal left on his queue.
Will he one day be the best
In the Cartoon Caption Contest?

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ILLUSTRATION FRIDAY: ZOMBIE LOVE

I'm not sure what the title of this one means, either.

I was in art class waiting for a still life to dry, filling the time working on this aceo. My art teacher, who bears a resemblance to Eugene Levy only when I draw/paint him, saw it and said "Ooh! Zombie love!"

Who am I to argue? Anyway, the topic for this week's IF is COMMUNICATION. It looks to me like this Zombie Couple is having a tiff, and not really speaking to each other. Come on, now. Nobody likes a petulant zombie.

Inaccurate pic of my art teacher:



Eugene Levy:

What goes on between consenting zombies is none of my business.

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ART CLASS BONANZA

I haven't been posting my attempts at "art" from art class lately. No reason other than sloth. Here are a bunch, some good, some not so much.

This is sort of my art teacher. I elongated his face. Who do I think I am, El Greco?

Going for dramatic white space with this one.

imaginary bird head.

TREES! Quel Suprise! I'm not too fond of these, but the wife likes them.

I do, however, like this still life. The wife does not.

ditto for this one.

OK, so the green was a poor color choice for the background of this one, but I'm starting to figure out how to make things 3-D-ish.

He's not meditating. He was behaving poorly, and was sent to a corner for a time-out.

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LOOKS LIKE I'VE MADE IT

My hard work has paid off: I have now been appointed Artist In Residence by none other than local BILLIONAIRE Percy Walker. I'm not sure what my obligations are, but considering he's a BILLIONAIRE I'm pretty sure they'll be whatever the hell he wants. So if I start snubbing you, you now know why.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got royal portraits to paint.

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MALLARD #1

LOOK OUT!

I mean ...

DUCK!

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A TRACTOR GIFT

A friend who has been more than generous gets this one. Thanks, friend.

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RUNNING WORM

I know worms don't "run." I don't care. Besides, there aren't enough letters allowed in the designated title space for WORM THAT IS SLITHERING AWAY RAPIDLY.

Isn't nature cruel? Look at the fear this little guy is experiencing:

Yeah, I know. Worms probably don't feel "fear." Man. You're such a stickler.

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ILLUSTRATION FRIDAY: CRASH

The crash landing is only the beginning of your troubles.

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BARRED OWL

I work hard for my money. So hard for it, honey. I work hard for my money, so you better let me sleep in on the weekend. Unless, of course, there's a big owl sitting in the pines outside the apartment.

Such was the case this morning. I'm woken by Iris coming in with the dog. "GET UP! THERE'S AN OWL OUTSIDE!" She then leaves with the camera. "Coffee?" I say, meekly, to the closed door.

I get dressed and go outside. "Take your time," she says sarcastically. I look up, and there he was. To get his attention, Iris says in her best owl impression, "Who cooks for You! Who cooks for You!" Doesn't work. I, however, am the Beastmaster. I know the language of owls.

Spanish.

"Hey, mi amigo! Como esta? Mira aqui con sus ojos grandes!"

That worked. He looked right at me. Then he swooped down, silently, and ripped my scalp off.

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SCREAMING KITTY

A fan of the kitties once told me that Francis Bacon's SCREAMING POPE gave her nightmares.

What's stronger: Love for kitties, or fear of Screaming Art?

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Who finds me irresistable?

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BLUE JAY #2

What's to say? It's a Jay. I hear them all day. Flying every which way, too scared to land on the moving bird food tray. Dismay! Oy Vay!

This is painted with watercolor, not cray...

on.

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CHOCOLATE PUSHER

Want some... Candy?

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ILLUSTRATION FRIDAY: SPROUT

See, THAT'S why you shouldn't pop pimples. You never know what they'll sprout into!

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BLUEBIRD #2

Bluebirds for me are the Tom Petty of birds. I've always enjoyed Tom Petty. I wouldn't say he's my favorite, but I never change the station when he comes on the radio. Same deal with the bluebird. It's always a treat to see them flitting about.

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